Study Skill 13.1Part B Tutorial: Essay Conclusions
Introduction
Looking at two example essays, we will break the parts of a conclusion. Here is the prompt for the essay:
Writing Prompt
Write a five-paragraph expository essay on the topic of fast food. Your target audiences are your peers and teacher. Remember, an expository essay provides information. You are NOT trying to persuade someone to eat or not eat fast food. Your introduction should have a hook, an overview of the body of your essay, and a strong thesis statement. Each body paragraph must have a topic sentence, several supporting sentences, and a transition sentence to the next paragraph. The conclusion should restate your thesis using different words and connect the information to your life and that of your reader. Facts and information from sources must have MLA format in-text citations. Don’t forget to include a Works Cited page in MLA format on a separate page at the end of your essay.
Below are two example conclusions:
Example 1
In conclusion, you should not eat fast food because it is bad for you. Listen to your mom and not your friends. Peer pressure might make you want to eat fast food but it is not good. That is why you should not eat fast food.
Example 2
While Chicken Fluffy is still tasty and a great place to hang out with friends, it is easy to see that ordering fried wings and milkshakes isn’t the healthiest choice. As I get older and participate in sports that are more competitive, I realize the value of eating right. Not only does getting good nutrition help me at sports, but I feel better about myself because of my healthy choices. This confidence translates to my grades at school and my relationships with classmates and family. Researching the nutrition of various fast food restaurants has made me more aware of how I can make healthier choices and be a role model to my friends. We will still meet at Chicken Fluffy after school, but we can eat grilled chicken instead of fried and reserve those calorie-laden milkshakes for special occasions.
Paragraph Analysis
Click on the tabs below to review the key concepts of a conclusion paragraph and answer questions about each.
Learn about Restating the Thesis
Your thesis was the last sentence of your introduction. It can be placed either at the beginning or the ending of your conclusion. Remember, you don’t want to copy your thesis from the introduction, but follow all the rules for writing a thesis just as you did the first time. Your thesis restatement must:
Consist of 1 sentence
Includes the PURPOSE of the essay - what is the message you want to send to the reader
Addresses the prompt
Be able to be proven with research
Written in third person point of view
A good way to restate your thesis is to paraphrase it. For more about paraphrasing see Skill 9.4: Paraphrasing
Now let’s look at the two examples. In the examples, we'll look at only the thesis restatement for each of these conclusion paragraphs. It is easy to see that Example 2 introduction is much longer than Example 1:
Example 1
In conclusion, you should not eat fast food because it is bad for you.
The original thesis statement was “In this essay, I will tell you why eating fast food every day is bad for you.” Even if this thesis statement met all the requirements in the introduction, the restatement of the thesis is not different enough.
Example 2
While Chicken Fluffy is still tasty and a great place to hang out with friends, it is easy to see that ordering fried wings and milkshakes isn’t the healthiest choice.
This was the original thesis we saw in the introduction, “For many, the convenience of eating at places like Chicken Fluffy and McDonald’s often wins out over healthier options or eating at home.” We can see the same contrast between convenience and health is shown in the restatement. These thesis statements both send the same message, eating fast food isn’t the healthiest choice but is okay occasionally.
Check Your Understanding
Quick Check 1
What is the message of the thesis statement in the conclusion?
Correct:
Correct!
The message in this thesis restatement is the same as the message of the original thesis in the introduction.
What is the best method for restating your thesis in the conclusion?
Correct:
Correct!
Paraphrasing from your original thesis preserves the message you want to send to the reader while still maintaining all the requirements of a thesis statement.
There are two main purposes of the conclusion paragraph. The first is to remind the reader of the purpose of your essay, which you do by restating the thesis. The second purpose is to leave the reader with a final thought about why the topic of the essay is important to you and to them. In order to make this connection it is necessary to provide some details. If one sentence of the conclusion is the thesis restatement, then we need to write at least two more sentences to fully develop this connection between the essay topic and your reader.
Additionally, providing a variety of sentence structures (simple, compound, and complex) makes the essay more enjoyable for the reader. This means it is more likely that your message will be remembered.
Example 1
Listen to your mom and not your friends. Peer pressure might make you want to eat fast food but it is not good. That is why you should not eat fast food.
Although there are three sentences here, they are short and don’t contain many details. They could be developed more with details. The simple sentences could be expanded into compound or complex sentences to provide more sentence variety.
Example 2
As I get older and participate in sports that are more competitive, I realize the value of eating right. Not only does getting good nutrition help me at sports, but I feel better about myself because of my healthy choices. This confidence translates to my grades at school and my relationships with classmates and family. Researching the nutrition of various fast food restaurants has made me more aware of how I can make healthier choices and be a role model to my friends. We will still meet at Chicken Fluffy after school, but we can eat grilled chicken instead of fried and reserve those calorie-laden milkshakes for special occasions.
This conclusion consists of five well written sentences. There is sentence variety to include complex and compound sentences. This gives variety to the reader and makes the conclusion more enjoyable, thus increasing the chances the essay’s message will be remembered.
Check Your Understanding
Quick Check 1
Fill in the blanks: You should use a variety of sentence structures, including __, __, and __, to make your essay's message engaging to read.
Incorrect:
Try again!
Correct:
Correct!
The three types of sentences are simple, compound, and complex.
What should be included in a fully developed sentence?
Incorrect:
Try again!
Incorrect:
Try again!
Correct:
Correct!
The use of examples and details strengthens the connections the reader makes to the topic and the writer. Fully developed sentences allow the reader to complete an image in their mind or understand a feeling.
Just as the personal anecdote in the introduction, the conclusion should provide a personal connection between you, the topic, and your reader.
Example 1
Peer pressure might make you want to eat fast food but it is not good.
Although your reader might experience peer pressure, the personal connection here is very vague and general.
Example 2
As I get older and participate in sports that are more competitive, I realize the value of eating right. Not only does getting good nutrition help me at sports, but I feel better about myself because of my healthy choices. This confidence translates to my grades at school and my relationships with classmates and family.
This connection is personal and references your experiences. It lets the reader see you as a real person and someone who might share their cares and concerns. The reader can feel your passion for the topic and, hopefully, begin to understand your message.
Check Your Understanding
Quick Check
Why should this topic be important to your reader?
Correct:
Correct! The writer makes it clear that nutrition is not just for athletes. Healthy eating can have effects in all areas of our lives including school, friends, and family. There are many parts of your life that can be affected by your eating habits.
Correct! Details help the reader imagine themselves in the situation described by the writer. Details help us to connect our life to the text. Personal examples help us connect to the writer’s life. We can understand the message better when we personally connect to the writer. These connections make the essay more powerful.
What is the personal connection between the writer and the topic in Example 2?
Incorrect:
Try again!
Correct:
Correct! The first person pronoun is used to let the reader know the writer is making a connection between himself and how nutrition affects his life in the areas of sports, school, and relationships.
Use the following new example conclusion paragraph to answer the questions in Practice 1 and Practice 2 below.
New Sample Conclusion
Social media is a part of our lives and it can be either a positive or negative influence. Many kids, like Marty, experience cyberbullying at some time throughout their school years but we can learn important lessons from their experiences. Being mindful of what you post, being kind and considerate, and paying careful attention to security measures on your digital devices are just a few things that can help you reduce your chances of being cyberbullied. For adults, remember that you are a role model. Your reactions to social media posts are being observed by the young people around you everyday. While cyberbullying has become a negative force in our lives, we can reduce its effects through awareness and education on how to navigate the online world.
Practice 1
Directions:
Practice 2
Directions:
Key Ideas
The conclusion has three important requirements.
Restate the thesis using different words.
Consist of a fully developed paragraph of at least three sentences.
Connect to YOUR life and the life of your reader to show why the topic is important.
Remember, the conclusion is just as important as the introduction because they both help to hold the hamburger together. Without the conclusion, you have a big mess on your hands!
Apply
In the following week, think about a conclusion for an essay about something that happened at school or at home. How would you convey the importance of this event to your reader?
Work with a friend on this writing practice: they write an introduction and you write a conclusion. Talk about how each of you met the requirements for these parts of an essay and how you can improve your writing.
Look at essays you have written in the past. How could you make your conclusions stronger? Practice these goals going forward in your writing courses.