Identifying Choppy Writing

Lesson 7 Identifying Choppy Writing

Saffron (image courtesy of Pixabay.com Links to an external site.)

Essential Question

How do we identify and correct choppy writing?

Grammar in the World

Choppy writing is exactly what it sounds like: instead of stringing together thoughts into longer, complex sentences, the writing is broken up into several short sentences. While there is a time and place for using short sentences in writing, doing it too much makes it tough for the reader to get into the flow of your writing.

What Do I Know?

Use this interactive exercise to see what you already know about correcting choppy writing:

Building Blocks

Grammar is a complex system and structure of language. Mizzou Academy Grammar Lab spotlights one skill (or block) at a time, but it’s often helpful to see how a skill works together with other, related blocks to build the language structure as a whole. You may find the following resource topics helpful as context for this lesson:

Learn About Identifying Choppy Writing

Read the following paragraph by Gary Provost, an American writer and writing instructor.

This sentence has five words. Here are five more words. Five-word sentences are fine. But several together become monotonous. Listen to what is happening. The writing is getting boring. The sound of it drones. It’s like a stuck record. The ear demands some variety. Now listen. I vary the sentence length, and I create music. Music. The writing sings. It has a pleasant rhythm, a lilt, a harmony. I use short sentences. And I use sentences of medium length. And sometimes, when I am certain the reader is rested, I will engage him with a sentence of considerable length, a sentence that burns with energy and builds with all the impetus of a crescendo, the roll of the drums, the crash of the cymbals–sounds that say listen to this, it is important.

So write with a combination of short, medium, and long sentences. Create a sound that pleases the reader’s ear. Don’t just write words. Write music.

Now, watch this musical interpretation of the text.

This Sentence Has Five Words Links to an external site. from Alex Basa Links to an external site. on Vimeo Links to an external site..

What new thoughts did you have about sentences as you watched the video? Can you see how sentences are like music? We may enjoy simple songs like “Mary Had a Little Lamb” when we are singing them to toddlers, but you likely don’t play nursery rhymes when you put in your earbuds to listen to music. You probably like music with varying rhythm and significantly more note variety than the four notes of “Mary Had a Little Lamb.” In a similar way, readers want more variety than the “Mary Had a Little Lamb” version of sentences: short, choppy sentences with little variety.

Consider the following sentences:

My parents have a puppy. She is a Shih Poo. Her name is Bessie. She is adorable. She likes to chew on my fingers.

You would get bored quite quickly if you read too many choppy sentences like this. While we do not want to create such long, rambling sentences that our readers get lost, readers will find our writing much more enjoyable if we vary our sentence structure. Here is one way to revise those choppy sentences in a way that is smoother and easier to read.

My parents have a Shih Poo puppy named Bessie who is adorable, but she also likes to chew on my fingers.

Ways to Fix Choppy Writing

Coordinating Conjunctions

One way to fix choppy sentences is to use coordinating conjunctions.

Coordinating Conjunctions
Coordinating conjunctions connect words, phrases, and clauses of equal type and importance. To help you remember the most common coordinating conjunctions, remember the acronym FANBOYS*
For: joins two ideas that are effect/cause related (in that order)	Before: You should celebrate your achievements. You worked very hard to earn them. After: You should celebrate your achievements, *for* you worked very hard to earn them.
And: joins two ideas together that are closely related	Before:: Kevin got a haircut. He washed his car. After: Kevin got a haircut *and* washed his car.
Nor: joins two statements that are both negative	Before: Stacey doesn’t like to do her homework. She does not like to do her chores. After: Stacey doesn't like to do her homework, *nor* does she like to do chores.
But: joins two statements that contrast one another	Before: Mike would love to stay in bed. He has a big test. The test is this afternoon. After: Mike would love to stay in bed, *but* he has a big test this afternoon.
Or: joins two statements that provide two choices	Before: Amanda can stay at home and study. Amanda can go out with her friends. After: Amanda can stay home and study or go out with her friends.
Yet: joins one statement followed by another that proposes another, less likely or unexpected option	Before: David hardly ever studies for tests. He gets the highest scores in the class. After: David hardly ever studies for tests, *yet* he gets the highest scores in the class.
So: joins two statements that show a cause and effect relationship	Before: Kevin didn’t take the trash out all week. His mom wouldn’t let him go out with his friends on the weekend. After: Kevin didn't take out the trash all week, so his mom wouldn't let him go out with his friends on the weekend.

Note: When you use a conjunction to combine two complete sentences, make sure you use a comma before the coordinating conjunction.

You should celebrate your achievements, for you worked very hard to earn them.

Subordinating Conjunctions

Another way to fix choppy sentences is to use subordinating conjunctions. Some common subordinating conjunctions are after, although, because, if, since, though, unless, and whereas.

Subordinating Conjunctions
Subordinating conjunctions join two separate ideas, making one idea dependent on the other. The connecting word or phrase introduces an idea that cannot stand on its own as a complete sentence, but that adds information about the main idea of the sentence. *You can recognize subordinating conjunctions because they connect extra information about things like time, place, condition, manner or reason. They might introduce a comparison or show how one thing is relative to another or show cause and effect.
after	Before: Tom will pick up the drycleaning. Tom will get groceries. After: Tom will get groceries *after* he picks up the drycleaning.
although	Before: It is raining. I will go to the dog park. After: *Although* it is raining, I will go to the dog park.
because	Before: I skipped breakfast. I am hungry. After: I am hungry *because* I skipped breakfast.
before	Before. Stacey will take a gap year. Stacey will go to college. After: Stacey will take a gap year *before* she goes to college.
if	Before: You should study. You will pass the test. After: If you study, you will pass the test.
since	Before: Mariah has not gone shopping, Her credit card was denied. After: Mariah has not gone shopping *since* her credit card was denied.
though	Before: He felt scared. He knew it was worth the risk. After: *Though* he felt scared, he knew it was worth the risk.
whereas	Before: Alanna likes to work in the office. Matt likes to work at home. After: Alanna likes to work in the office, *whereas* Matt likes to work at home.

Appositives

You can use appositives to smooth out your writing, also. Appositives are phrases, set apart with commas, that add extra information to a noun in a sentence.

Before: My grandpa is a lifelong seafood lover. He wanted me to bring him Red Lobster for dinner.

After: My grandpa, a lifelong seafood lover, wanted me to bring him Red Lobster for dinner.

Before: Marina is a devoted poetry writer. She performed at a local open mic for the first time.

After: Marina, a devoted poetry writer, performed at a local open mic for the first time.

Before: Amélie is a huge fan of Sonic’s strawberry limeades. She went to Sonic twice yesterday.

After: Amélie, a huge fan of Sonic’s strawberry limeades, went to Sonic twice yesterday.

Modifying Phrases

Yet another way to avoid choppy writing is to use modifying phrases.

Before: Elizabeth turned down the offer of hot tea. She preferred coffee instead.

After: Elizabeth turned down the offer of hot tea, preferring coffee instead.

Before: I was driving to work. I ran out of gas.

After: Driving to work, I ran out of gas.

Before: I was devastated. I watched my favorite team lose the championship.

After: Devastated, I watched my favorite team lose the championship.

Before: I was starving. I stared hungrily at the pastries in the bakery window.

After: Starving, I stared hungrily at the pastries in the bakery window.

Note: Make sure the modifying phrase describes the correct word in the sentence. If it does not, you have a “dangling modifier.”

Example: Driving to work, my car ran out of gas.

Was your car driving to work? Not unless you have a self-driving car! In this case, “Driving to work” is a dangling modifier. You could fix the sentence by saying, Driving to work, I ran out of gas.

Sentence Variety

You do not need to abandon simple sentences altogether to create interesting work. In fact, short sentences can pack a punch, make a straightforward point, and draw attention to an idea you want to emphasize. Just make sure you include other types of sentences, as well. Vary the types of sentences you use. Include a variety of shorter and longer sentences. Mix simple sentences with compound and complex sentences. Your writing will then have variety and keep your readers’ interest.

Do I Get It?

Use the interactive below to check your knowledge of identifying and fixing choppy sentences: